I can't embellish this, it will just be the raw facts, and I'm only writing it down because I'll probably regret it later if I don't.
Basically yesterday turned out to be roughly as hellish as I'd expected. I got up, and to my surprise, all the horses were out, so I didn't get to give Max his last breakfast. Things like that can play on my mind later on and upset me. I'll explain a bit more in a minute.
I mucked out, and it was very much business as usual, except I knew it would be the last time I'd muck out Max's stable, but when I went to do the feeds and realised I didn't need to make any more for Max I began to cry and the tears would not stop. In the end I decided to make a bowl with just chop and carrots to give him something when he came in, to prevent me having regrets later on that would upset me. What I mean is, when I am feeling emotional later on, I won't have to cry about, "I didn't even give him his last meal!"
I got him in at twelve o'clock and made him go to Barnaby and say goodbye. They knew perfectly well what was happening. I led him to Lindy, Polo and Zak in turn, to say his farewells. They all sniffed a goodbye. I led him to the gate and he looked back, just saying, "So long," to his brother and his buddies.
I had every intention of grooming him, but found I couldn't do it. I knew I couldn't keep it from him and would only cry and cry, so I came in and cleaned his tack instead. Then Mr O came home and I cried some more. I couldn't eat any lunch. Mr O made me a sandwich, but eating between sobs really hurts, so I gave up.
They finally arrived at 2pm with a tiny lorry. Max had to go in and face the back. I'd originally said I wouldn't be able to do it, and Mr O would have to load him, but Max just stood there and refused to go in, so in the end I had to do it. I could see his dilemma, 'I don't want to disobey mum, but if I obey her and go in here, I'll never see her again.' It was the most awful thing I've ever had to do. In the end he gave in and walked up the ramp. They quickly put the partitions up but as they turned the lorry round I could see him out of the back window and he whinnied. I just blew him kisses and waved and they pulled away.
Goodbye, my Darling Boy. We had some fun, didn't we, you and I? Thankyou for teaching me to jump and run and fly, thankyou for being such fun to own, and such a character. I hope your new friends like your bedtime stories and your lectures, and that you have lots and lots of grass to eat, because you deserve it. I hope you show your new mummy what a clever boy you are and that you have field after field to gallop on, because I know how much you love it. I hope they remember to put your suncream on and brush the mites out of your leg hair, and give you mints when you've been a good boy. And I hope in your heart you will always remember me, because I will certainly never forget you and your flowing mane and your blue eyes and the good times we shared.
Farewell my love.